The Bible describes the act of marriage as “two becoming one flesh.” That’s not an easy concept for us to grasp. The Bible even admits that the whole idea is a “profound mystery.”
And it is a mystery – it’s hard to understand but it’s God’s vision for what husbands and wives might experience – that the two would become so intimate that it’s as if they’ve become one person.
But here’s what I’ve discovered often happens: two become about one and a half.
We never complete that last half because we hold back the places in our lives where we are either selfish or ashamed.
We are ashamed about things we think, or things we’ve done in the past and we imagine that if she knew this about me she’d run screaming from the room. That’s why we wait so long to share things like our secret obsession with Barry Manilow.
Or we’re selfish about our time, or possessions or money. We tell ourselves that I can never entrust this to him, what if he broke it or took advantage of me. It’s why we hold so tightly to the remote and keep all our passwords secret.
As long as we hold back in those places where we are ashamed or selfish two never really become one. We become about one and a half.
It’s only when we are willing to risk, to be complete vulnerable with our shame and our selfishness, that we discover real intimacy.
It’s not ever easy. But it is so very worth the risk.